September 1, 2016

For various reason these past couple of years have been especially trying….physically and emotionally.
It was a toxic cocktail of
mistakes,
work changes,
friendships gone wrong,
weight gain,
debilitating loss,
disappointment,
sadness,
tears and
misery served up with a dose of self pity.

But this morning, after some long anticipated good news, I felt this strange vibe……like something I have felt before but it took a moment to recognize it.
I think I gasped as I realized what was creeping up on me.

True happiness.
Not the ‘something cool happened today’ kind of happiness or
the ‘I am so lucky to have great kids’ happiness but
the sparkle in your eye life joy.
The peaceful content kind.

Now, I’m not quite ready to stand on any rooftops and shout out to the world that I’m filled with happiness and my life is perfect.
Nor do I feel like those sharp, blinding, mind numbing issues are fading.
But having them wear away at my core has enabled me to start to see through the pain and locate small bits of positivity.
Those minuscule pieces have finally joined forces and become visible to my soul.

That is the happiness that I felt today.

It was the nearing of friends that have become closer to my heart than I ever imagined that broke my mountain of self pity and allowed me to see the light again.

Being on the latter half of my life, I am not wearing the rose colored glasses that tinted my youth.
I realize that I will not be skipping to work tomorrow, swinging my pail like Laura Ingalls on her way to school.
But I have come out to a local tavern, alone, to celebrate with a Blue Moon in a frosty glass with a juicy slice of orange donning the rim and nachos for one.

In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.  ~Aaron Rose

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
~Robert Frost